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LMAO, now that I’m eating healthy basically to save my life instead of dieting to lose weight, the weight is coming off easily. Almost 4 1/2 lbs off in one week, and that’s without any exercise. Ha, it figures!

The pessimist in me says “Of course it’s early. Could have lots of stumbling blocks still to come my way.”  But heck, a week of pure relief from hunger, food obsession, cravings, etc is a week I’ll take without complaint!

Today went pretty well, all things considered. However I discovered Ciao Bella Chocolate Sorbetto.

While it is dairy free (I’m vegan) and naturally fat free, and relatively low in calories for something that tastes so incredibly sinful, it’s still “empty” calories. No problem when you have one serving. Or one and a half. Or even two, on occasion.

But four servings… that’s probably more than I needed.  :)  OK, so live & learn; even though cravings have come to a screeching halt while eating low-fat vegan, I still have trouble controlling myself around really delectable chocolate.

Or, perhaps, it’s actually the chocolate exercising an evil, Satanic hold over me, and I am nothing but a poor helpless victim.

Heh heh heh.

Interesting. I was not all stiff and sore this morning as I usually am. This despite going to bed an hour too late.

I got out of bed easily, and walked easily to the kitchen to do morning prep. I don’t remember the last time I felt this way. It’s been many years.

Nevertheless, the overall body aches are still hovering. Much less so than in the past few months, but still there (this is different from morning stiffness; often the body aches don’t begin until mid-morning).

I have been on amoxicillin for 3-4 days and my sinus & cough are much improved, so that may explain the reduction of the body aches. Perhaps it’s the reason for the reduction in morning stiffness too, though antibiotics have never made a difference in that in the past. Could the low-fat vegan diet be making this much difference this fast?

Last night presented my first struggles since beginning a low-fat, vegan eating plan 5 days ago (I made a commitment of 3 weeks to my doc). I was making lunch for my daughter and the strawberries I’d planned on packing were nasty — so unripe and hard. To make them more palatable, I decided to dip them in chocolate for her.

I pulled out some Nestle’s chocolate chips. Typically I’d munch on handfuls of these while making anything with them (actually, it’s a miracle that I’ve had no desire to munch on them at all for the past 5 days!). Carefully, I looked at the ingredients and discovered that they contained milkfat, so I knew they were off limits.

While melting the ones for the strawberry dip, those cute little, bite-sized chips that had spilled onto the counter kept calling my name. “Just one,” they said. “You love us, and a few won’t really make any difference” each one called out!

Well, I had to do something or I was going to start chomping on them! That’s when I remembered that the last time I was at the health food store, I’d picked up a bar of fabulous dark chocolate flavored with orange essence (turns out, most dark chocolates are naturally vegan, though of course not low in fat). So I broke off a square, wrapped up the rest of the bar & tucked it way back in the pantry again, and put the square on the kitchen counter.

As I finished up my daughter’s lunch, I took tiny little bites of that incredible chocolate, letting each bite melt slowly in my mouth and waiting until the taste was fully gone before drinking some seltzer, then taking the next bite.

This got me through the lunch-making without snarfing up the chocolate chips — and, equally as important — without feeling deprived.

I must admit that at the very end, I did lick off the remnants of melted chocolate chips that were on the spoon with which I had stirred the melted chips. But wonder of wonders, that stuff tasted horrible! It just tasted bland and greasy next to what I’d just had.

Slept well last night. No dreams that I’d binged on a ton of junk and had gained 50 lbs overnight (a common nightmare). And no dreams of chocolate chips at all!

If this kind of ease with food can happen to me (chronically overweight, binge eater, chocoholic, cookie-holic, stress eater), it can happen to ANYBODY. No matter how many times you’ve tried, hang in there and do not give up hope.

Four days. No cravings. No feelings of deprivation. Hunger that comes on slowly & gently, like I’ve always imagined it is for other people.

No, I’m not on drugs. (Phentermine makes me nutso and I always get sick from lack of sleep. Xenical/Alli do nothing for me. Have never tried Meridia as it seems pretty much the same as phentermine, just more expensive.)

I’ve just been eating, lots, and really really well. Not weighing or measuring my food. Just eating lots of low-fat, legume-based dishes, and lots of vegetables and fruit. Lovely, soothing, comforting carbs — Pasta (yes, pasta!), cornbread, bran cereal, oatmeal, sweet potatoes. And wickedly good blackberry-cabernet (yes, it has wine in it) and mango sorbets for an evening treat. A small piece of exquisite dark chocolate every now and then (since when could I eat a SMALL piece of ANY kind of chocolate???!!!).

I keep pinching myself. This seems too good to be true! Surely it will end?!

Maybe my doctor wasn’t crazy after all when he said to “just give it 3 weeks, you’ll find you don’t miss the foods that right now you think you can’t live without” [for me, that was yogurt, skim milk, fish, chicken, cookies, cake, butter, chocolate candy, diet soda…].

In a previous post, I explained how a broken ankle and recent bloodwork have been major wake-up calls for me to adopt healthier eating habits. It’s just not about losing weight any more! It’s about survival, plain and simple.

It would also be nice to feel well enough to enjoy the life & family with which I have been so incredibly blessed! I say “I can’t [do that]” to my sweet daughter so often I feel like a broken record.

This is NOT the mother/wife/daughter/friend/citizen I wanted to be! And if I don’t stop living on crap, I won’t even be here at all. It’s become that fundamental.

Since this isn’t really about weight any more for me, I am going to list here the physical conditions I have now. This isn’t a “whining list.” It’s a list of things that I hope to be able to look back on over time, and find that some of these things are no longer on it!

Ok, so enough yapping. Here’s where I’m at right now.

Taking Stock…

Blood Chemistry (unless otherwise specified, blood test taken 09/04 after being off all but allergy/asthma/GERD meds for 5 days):

1. Total cholesterol = 259 mg/dL. That’s “very high” by any standard. Per my Mom’s cardiologist, high risk patients should keep total cholesterol under 150. I’ve been kidding myself into thinking I was “ok” because I’d never smoked. Hah. I am a walking heart attack!
2. Total LDL cholesterol = 191 mg/dL. Also very high! Per Mom’s cardiologist, high-risk women should keep LDL under 70 (while moderate-risk women should strive for LDL of under 100).
3. VLDL = 34 mg/dL. Per Mom’s cardiologist, high risk women should keep VLDL between 25-50% of total cholesterol.
4. HDL = 53 mg/dL. Per Mom’s cardiologist, women should keep HDL above 60. Per NIH, HDL below 50 puts women at risk for heart disease.
5. LDL/HDL ratio = 4.9. According to the lab report, it should be 0.0 to 4.4.
6. Triglycerides = 171 mg/dL, which is in officially in the normal range of <200, despite all the sugars & fat I eat. Per Mom’s cardiologist, however, high-risk women should keep Triglycerides under 150.
7. Cardiac C-Reactive Protein = 2.99 (4/21/05). Should be less than 1. Lowest risk is 0.55. “High risk of heart-disease related events” at > 3.0, and “very high risk” if it’s over 3.9. Yikes!
8. Thyroid Free T4 = 0.68. Should be 0.71 to 1.85 per lab report.
9. Thyroid TSH = 2.66, which is in the normal range (0.49-4.67 per lab report).
10. Sodium = 144. Should be 137-145. (Odd — I salt hardly anything, & don’t like salty snacks). Could this be caused by the reflux medicines I take? Seems like I read that somewhere.)
11. Cortisol = 1.71 @10:57 a.m. (This seems low but ranges are given for before 10 am & after 5 pm so there’s no way to tell).
12. Interestingly, fasting blood glucose was normal, though it’s been “pre-diabetic” in numerous other tests before I ever started taking metformin. I’d been off the metformin for 5 days; perhaps metformin has a lingering effect?
13. A1C = 5.4. Normal is 0 to 6.5. A1C measures blood sugar over 3 months’ time & I’ve been on metformin for all but the last 5 days, so it should be “normal” even though I’d discontinued the metformin.

Physical Symptoms:

1. Extreme brain fog.
2. Stroke-like inability to think of words, or saying wrong words for things. This is really scary. Strokes have attacked women as young as 35 in my family, and killed most of the men by age 55.
3. Inability to concentrate or stick w/tasks.
4. Extreme allergies, worst they’ve ever been.
5. Asthma is worst it’s ever been.
6. High (sometimes extreme) flu-like body ache, requiring 2-8 Advil/day.
7. Reflux, often so severe even Aciphex (my “magic pill”) isn’t enough.
8. High to extreme fatigue.
9. Hard to wake up/get up in a.m.
10. Hard to go to sleep at night. Often up till 1-2 a.m. despite feeling sleepy around 8-10pm.
11. Usually wake up 1-2 times at least during night (w/sweats, cold, needing to pee, or just feeling physically tense or mentally “wound up”).
12. Ears “weep,” itch, & crust over constantly unless steroid cream applied every few days.
13. Can’t sit on floor to play w/daughter (too painful & hard to breathe).
14. Can’t breathe & feel like my head will explode when I bend over to pick up stuff, put on shoes, etc.
15. Can’t get off the toilet, sofa, or a soft chair without using my arms a great deal (plus lots of groaning).
16. Can’t paint my own toenails.
17. Cannot slide down slides or climb on jungle gyms w/kids.
18. Feet go numb & knees ache after sitting for 20 mins or more.
19. Hands (esp. right) go cold & numb from pressure at brachial pulse point area (from the rolls of fat at my sides)
20. Constant pain in right elbow, & to a lesser extent the right wrist. (Diagnosed golfers’ & tennis elbow).
21. Constant numbness/tingling/cold feeling in my right hand. (Diagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome).
22. Constant neck & upper back pain, & lots of neck crepitis.
23. Knees pain when walking, trying to sit/stand, & especially getting up/down from floor.
24. Major foot pain, especially after walking/standing. Can’t wait to sit/lie down!
25. Formerly broken ankle hurts & swells more than it should at this point.
26. Severe obstructive sleep apnea.
27. Restless leg syndrome.
28. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, including dark bruise-like patches on elbows, heavy hair growth on chin, extreme hunger, mood swings w/hunger, & abdominal obesity. This is related to insulin resistance, and may put me at increased risk for Type 2 diabetes. With a sibling with Type 1 diabetes, my excess weight, and abdominal obesity, I am already at fairly high risk for Type 2 diabetes!
29. The hump back of fat (ugh).
30. Can feel the roll of fat at my neck when I turn my neck (eeew).
31. Frequently need powder under belly (OMG, I used to do this for elderly mental patients I took care of in college. I loved these folks, but this is not a trait I ever thought I would share with them!)

Medications:

1. Advair 250/50, ii.
2. Albuterol inhaler, 2 puffs as needed (these days, 1-4 times/day).
3. Fexofenadine 180 mg a.m.
4. Spirolactone (for PCOS) 25 mg ii.
5. Metformin (for PCOS) 500 mg ii, i.
6. Armour Thyroid 60 mg a.m.
7. Fluoxetine 40 mg a.m. for mild anxiety/depression.
8. Topamirate (for restless leg syndrome) 50 mg pm.
9. Rx steroid cream for insides of ears, applied every 3-7 days.
10. Aciphex 20 mg when I can get it; otherwise 1-2 OTC PPIs, plus Di-Gel as needed.
11. CPAP machine.
12. Quercitin 1000 mg chews (participating in a research study, not required by physician). Sheesh, talk about causing reflux. I hate these!
13. At the moment, I’m also taking 10 days of Amoxicillin for a sinus infection.

About a week ago, I said to my husband, whom I met when we were both emergency medical technicians, “I feel like I’m becoming one of those people we used to look at and say knowingly to each other, ‘there goes a walking heart attack.’” 

A few days ago, I got the results from som some routine bloodwork that I’d had done for a physical. The results were shocking. I AM a walking heart attack!  Especially considering my family history — heart attack & stroke has hit everyone on my mother’s side, killing many by their mid-50’s. That could mean I’d be dead before my precious daughter even finishes high school.

I’ve had two wake-up calls now. First was breaking my ankle — badly — a few months ago. In an extraordinarily sensitive manner, my surgeon explained that my excess weight contributed to the severity of the break. Let me tell you, I’ve broken my share of bones in my life, and this was something else. The pain was phenomenal. I still get woozy when the memory crosses my mind, and when I recently stood near the spot where it happened, I couldn’t stop tears from coming (I’m not someone who’s prone to hysterics).

My primary-care physician has been pushing me to adopt a low-fat, plant-based diet for several years. I’ve been pushing right back, claiming that I can’t possibly live without cookies, chocolate, eggs, cheese, yogurt, etc. Nevertheless, as I’ve been feeling physically worse and worse since the ankle accident, I’ve been gradually moving towards a plant-based, low-fat diet.

Well, the bloodwork results have given me a big push!  Despite having “good” health insurance, I already pay almost $300/mo for my shelf-full of daily medications (my skinny husband, on the other hand, pays only $40/mo); the prospect of having to either shell out another $50-100 for various cholesterol-lowering drugs is just too much, especially knowing that even though it would help protect my heart, I wouldn’t physically FEEL any better. I feel like crap, all the time. I am tired of just existing: I want to live.

So for the past 3 days, I’ve been doing it — eating an entirely plant-based diet that is low in fat (10-15% fat). But you know what’s weird? It’s been remarkably easy.

I’ve made a committment of 3 weeks. That’s what my doctor asked. After that, as he said, “if you don’t want to continue, you can go back to the ways that are killing you and making you feel like crap. It’s entirely your choice.” Hmmph.

I was making lunch for myself today, as the rest of the family was off doing stuff. Having gone too long since breakfast, I was ravenous.

For lunch, I heated up some home-made low-fat hummos and pasta salad and wrapped it in a burrito. I was carefully doling it out, subconsciously measuring it, when it hit me:

I can have as much as I want. Really. All I want.

So I did.

It was a big, fat, voluptuous looking burrito. Not my usual tiny burrito surrounded by shredded lettuce.

After that, I sat for a bit, drank some water, and realized I was still a little hungry.

So I had another one.

This made me so happy that I was dancing about in the kitchen as I made the second one, “singing” to myself “I can eat all I waa-aant, I can eat all I waa-aant!”

Now I feel full, and satisfied, and just a tad bit amazed that I can really eat all the food I need and not go hungry. And that this is good for me.

Pain has been my almost-constant companion for about 7 years. There are periods, sometimes lasting weeks or even months, where I have only joint & tendon pain, but most of the time, I feel just like someone who has the flu: aching all over. The only time I feel good is while I’m swimming and for several hours afterwards.

The joint pain is obviously caused by being fat. It hurts to stand up, sit down, get up from the bed, sit on the floor, walk, stand, you name it. Anybody who’s significantly overweight knows exactly what I’m talking about!

Tendon pain is something I just seem to be prone to. Most likely it is made much worse by being overweight… so much more stress on those delicate tissues, know what I mean? At this point I am currently diagnosed with refractory (doesn’t respond to treatment) golfers’ elbow (I don’t golf), tennis elbow (haven’t played in years), and carpal tunnel syndrome.

But the flu-like body aches are what really get to me. No doctor has been able to figure out the cause. It seems to be — oddly enough — related to sinus inflammation. Since I have severe respiratory allergies that get worse every year (just as I seem to pack on additional pounds each year), it’s pretty common for me to have sinus inflammation and even infections. I’ve had several sinus surgeries which seem to help true infections clear up faster, but that’s about it. I generally get better on antibiotics and then the pain comes back within a week or so going off of them. But I am not going to live on daily antibiotics, even if that were an option!

I try to just stay busy and take a lot of Advil. That helps keep the pain under control. I don’t really tell anyone I’m feeling bad anymore, except on days where I feel so bad I need everyone around me to be slow and quiet (even noise hurts), because at this point I just feel like a broken record or hypochondriac.

Now, believe it or not, I’m not writing this to kvetch. I know many, many people who live with much more challenging conditions. No, I am writing this because I have finally connected some dots and, if I’m right, there may be hope for change. Therefore, this post will document where I’m at now. Later I can look back and see if I was onto something or not!

So, here’s my “connect-the-dots” thinking:

Recent blood tests showed that I have developed very high cholesterol within the past year or two. If I understand the medical literature I’ve read correctly, it appears that high cholesterol/heart disease (which runs in my family) may be part of an overall inflammatory response.

A blood test from a couple of years ago (when my cholesterol was normal) showed that C-Reactive Protein (CRP) was 2.99, putting me at “high risk of heart-disease related events.” CRP is a marker of inflammation in the body. (Haven’t had CRP re-tested but I doubt it’s gone down!)

Allergies and asthma are inflammatory responses to normal proteins that the body percieves as invaders.

Pain is an inflammatory response.

Tendonitis is inflammation of the tendons or the sheaths surrounding the tendons.

Now I’m no doctor, but this all sure seems suspicious. Inflammation. Inflammation. Inflammation.

So I’ve been reading a lot about how to manage and reduce inflammation. Oddly enough the research keeps bringing me back to the low-fat, plant-based diet that my doctor has been pushing for several years (ever since the CRP test, to be exact). I’ve heartily resisted it as “way too restrictive” for me, someone who struggles to keep my trips to the candy machine down to only 2 or 3 Snickers’ a day. Nevertheless, I have over the years read two books my doc gave me, one by Dr. Campbell and another by Dr. Esselstyn. Through those authors, I discovered Drs. McDougall and Barnard (both of whom I think have a more convincing approach) and http://www.pcrm.org/health/

All of them espouse some form of a low-fat diet free of meat, dairy, and egg (including casein which is a common additive in “vegetarian” meat & cheese substitutes). It’s sort of Dean Ornish meets Pritiken. I call it “vegan without the politics.” (For anyone who has adopted the totally vegan “lifestyle”, please know that I admire & respect you; that’s just not where I’m at at this point!).

This is odd coming from a former Atkins advocate. But I think this may be the way I need to start heading.

My spouse is a “recovering alcoholic” who hasn’t had alcohol in more than 13 years. Several times over the years I have heard him use an AA quote, “the definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

I have heard that quote in my head a lot the past few days. I am really struggling with the urge to “do the same thing” again, which is to try a drastic weight loss method to get some of this $@*&# weight off, fast.

So which action would meet the definition of insanity: re-joining Weight Watchers (for the 7th time); or would trying a medically supervised diet with injections (never done before, but my “gut” tells me it’s a fad diet)? 

From having done Weight Watchers, I know that when I eat normal amounts of food and stick to mostly healthy stuff each day, I lose weight. Problem is, I am so hungry all the time and I am so drawn to desserts (whether I’m hungry or not) that I can rarely do that for more than a week at a time.  It is like desserts have a magnet that pulls me in!

Food Log

Exercise Log